I Took Solace in Drug After Being Raped By Different Men – Tobi
Educationist and humanitarian, Oluwatobi Raji, a survivor of multiple instances of rape and homelessness, has shared her journey from victimhood to becoming a beacon of hope for others.
In a recent chat with P.M. News, the child safety advocate and co-founder of the School on the Street Initiative, revealed that her traumatic past, marked by abuse starting at age eight by her maternal uncle and subsequent assaults by 10 different individuals until she was 19, led to a disturbing period of low self-esteem, drug abuse, and mental health struggles.
“When I was age eight, I was sexually assaulted by my maternal uncle and it didn’t stop there, it went on until I was age 15 and from age 13 to 19.
“I had multiple counts of rape by 10 different persons so all these encounters contributed to my low self esteem, it contributed to me going into alcohol, taking marijuana, having depression, PTSD, having multiple suicide attempts and when all these were going on, I was doing fine at school.
“All of a sudden, my level of performance at school dropped due to this recurrence. There was a particular time of my life that I was homeless. I was practically living on the street under people’s containers for three months and I encountered another form of sexual violence and it happened with me being with touts.
“I was influenced. I was just exposed to all sorts of negative lifestyles due to being on the street,” Raji said.
Raji‘s harrowing experiences forced her onto the streets, where she encountered further violence. Her turbulent upbringing, marked by abandonment after her father’s death and her mother’s pursuit of opportunities abroad, left her seeking friendship and love, often falling into the wrong hands.
“My being on the street is as a result of abandonment. I was a teenager when I lost my father and my mom sought for greener pastures in another terrain (country).
“Myself and my siblings, we lived with someone (a family friend) at the initial stage of my mother’s relocation so it affected us. As a young girl, I wanted more in life for myself and my younger siblings. Also as a young girl, I was seeking for love — wanting someone that could help and I was always falling into the wrong hands so that was what led me into the street.
“One of those days, we lived with a family friend who sent myself and my siblings out of her house at 10pm and we had to trek from Meiran to Agege to another family friend’s place. On getting there, they have a rule in their house that you don’t come uninvited and even if you are a family, you can’t stay more than 2-3 days whoever you are. I have to appeal to the family friend that they should let my siblings stay, I will find my square roots so that led me into the street as well”.
Amidst the challenges of homelessness, Raji found temporary shelter through a friend who, while providing refuge, subjected her to further exploitation by abusing her sexually. Her resilience propelled her to break free from this toxic environment.
“In the course of how to get out of the street, I got out of the street through the support of a friend I met on the street.
“He was a friend who was like “You are too beautiful to be here, how can you be sleeping on the road? I’ve been watching you for some time”. So I narrated my story. He told me to come home with him and that he stayed with his parents though he was a polytechnic student.
“Seeing someone who offered you shelter and a young girl seeking acceptance, love and friendship, I accepted. I didn’t know him but he was someone willing to take me in. I accepted and he showed me to his mum.
“Of course, there was no spare room except his room. And I became vulnerable again. And in the course of that, he started to propose to me but I told him that that was not why I was there. But he was the one feeding me. He provided clothes for me. He and his mother were taking care of me. But he started abusing me sexually. It wasn’t something I wanted but I got used to it since he provided shelter.
“Years down the lane, I have realized there are still good and genuine friendships who will not attach relationship or immorality to whatever help they render to you. That was how I got out of the street. When he resumed back at school, I had to follow him. Even at that, he still had numerous girlfriends so I became a figurehead and his sex toy.
“One day, he told me ” how do you think I’ll just take you into my house without getting anything? What’s my own gain?”.
“Then I told him I was leaving. He asked how I could do that since I had nobody. I told him ‘Yes, I have nobody, I have nowhere to go’. But I stood up for myself”.
Recognizing the gradual nature of healing, Raji emphasized seeking professional help, engaging with mentors, and speaking out as pivotal in her journey to reclaim her life. Her transformational experience inspired her to become an advocate for child safety and mentorship, aiming to uplift others who have faced similar trauma.
“Healing is a gradual process, not just instant. If I am telling you that I’ve forgotten everything, I’m lying. It is a process. Nothing happened suddenly because what happened was a process. It graduated into several negative lifestyles though I’m able to shed them off. But it was a gradual process. I didn’t stop smoking and alcoholism one day.
“It started from a foundation, something ignited it. When I stopped, it didn’t just stop. It was a gradual process. Stopping marijuana intake also was a gradual process.
“How did I help myself to enable me to have the right thinking? I sought help. I knew I needed help. I sought professional counsel and I got into contact with a psychologist and I didn’t stop at that therapist. I had mentors who understood where I was coming from. I spoke out.
“Best thing that ever happened to my healing journey was my speaking out, telling my story not to shame my family but to encourage somebody who has gone through that journey that there is more to life.
“I engaged in campaigns, advocacy I had mentors who were doing what I was doing. Intentionally, I became a mentee to a few genuine advocates that I know were doing the right thing. Whenever I go out or engage in interviews, there’s always a flashback but I’m relieved that I spoke out,” Raji narrated.
Raji also revealed that she draws inspiration from the stories of renowned figures like Joyce Meyer and Pastor Tinu Akinlawon, fellow survivors who turned their pain into purpose. Her commitment to advocacy and her belief that success is the ultimate revenge against the darkness of trauma continues to drive her passion.
“What makes other people die in shame is the lack of speaking out. They will be wanting to take silly revenge. For me, the only revenge that is left is success. When you are successful, when you are no more in that pain of thinking evil.
“I read books about Joyce Meyer so I got to know about her, her story and how she was abused by her father. Then I got to know about Pastor Tinu Akinlawon. She’s a Nigerian who was defiled by her father. These are women of virtues who have grown past their pains and trauma so this gives me hope that if they can then I can,” Raji added.
Tags: Tobi Raji
Credit: Pm
