My traumatic childhood makes me afraid of marriage -Juliet Njemanze, actress
Aside being a talented actress, Juliet Njemanze is outspoken and down to earth.
The thespian has been able to rise above the pains and agonies of her traumatic childhood, carving a place for herself in the movie industry.
In this interview, Njemanze took us on a journey back in time, recalling her humble beginning, abuse, heartbreak and soured relationship with her father. While making a career projection, she equally dwelled on the significant issue of marriage. Please enjoy it.
Looking back, what are you most grateful for?
Looking back, I’m most grateful for not giving up, because I had times when I looked at the picture ahead and it didn’t look too bright. It looked gloomy and I felt like I should just let go the career and pick up a job at the bank and make some money. So, I’m happy I didn’t give up. I’m grateful for family and friends that kept me grounded and helped me to keep my head up high. I’m grateful I didn’t give up.
If not acting, would you have been a banker?
No way. I would probably be a businesswoman or something else, but not definitely a banker.
When and how did your Nollywood journey start?
My journey into Nollywood was accidental. You know how kids grow up and they become teenagers and they are like, I want to be this or that? I never thought of acting as a career. I didn’t even look at it as an option. I wanted to be a musician, lawyer, model or talk show host. Those were my dreams as a teenager, but acting just came from nowhere and chose me.
One day, I went to see my mum in Kano, because she wanted to be an actor. So, the director called me out to play a role, saying it’s not allowed to just sit idle at rehearsals and I was like ‘sir, I am not acting. I just came to see my mother’. But he insisted I must do something. So, he gave me a scene and I acted it out and the next thing, he started advising me on how I could use Nollywood to get to a place I desired. He said I could start as an actress and then morph into a musician, model, talk show host; that acting would open doors for me.
So, that’s how I started acting. It was never a thing I wanted to do in the first place. It wasn’t my dream but my mother’s dream to be an actor. But it happened and the rest is history.
What are the roles you wouldn’t accept?
Honestly, as an actor, I pride myself in being able to do any kind of character. But the only character that is no go area for me is one that blasphemes God or speaks evil against His name. I’m not going to involve myself in that. I can do anything if it’s worth it, especially if the project is going to go very far. So, I can act any role.
Do you mind kissing and cuddling roles?
Of course, I don’t mind. As a matter of fact, a lot of my fans look forward to me kissing in movies. Someone recently showed me a comment on social media that says, ‘Every time Juliet is playing a lover in a film, I look forward to her kissing because she kisses really good’. Yes, I don’t mind playing such roles.
So, you kiss really good?
Yes, I do.
In that case, have you had an encounter with someone with mouth odour?
I’m yet to encounter someone with mouth odour but I’ve encountered bad kissers. Some actors are not just good kissers. You know, the way we kiss in movies, we stylishly kiss deep so that you wouldn’t know that we don’t have our tongues inside each other’s throat. But some people just want to shove their tongue inside your throat, and that’s bad kissing for me. But I’m yet to experience mouth odour.
What does it take to be a good kisser?
I don’t think it takes much. It probably takes knowing and studying the act of kissing. You have to start slowly with the lips and it gets deeper, depending on the flow of the energy from the other person.
So, my definition of a good kiss may not be your definition of a good kiss. But I know that good kissing cannot happen when you open your mouth and you just shove your tongue down someone’s throat. I know that definitely cannot be good kissing.
We hear a lot about sexual harassment in the industry, did you encounter such?
I have my own little story on sexual harassment. But over time, as you grow in the industry, as you get stronger and bigger, they tend to leave you alone. This is because they see you as a serious actress who is not there to sleep around. But then I would say one thing – yes, people sleep around for roles. Yes, it happens but it’s not a must. It’s not something you have to do to get to where you’re going. There are a lot of people that have avoided it, especially myself. I am proud to say ‘anyone that can claim he slept with Juliet Njemanze before giving her roles should come out. Yes, that person should come out!’ So, I am very proud of that and I know that if I could get to this level of my career without compromising on my dignity, I can get farther.
What’s your relationship with old friends now that you are a celebrity?
All my former friends are still my friends because I define friendship differently. Friendship is deep to me. I can know you for a long time, for instance, for twenty years but I’d never consider you as my friend. I can know you for just two weeks and I would be like ‘hey, that’s my friend’. So, anyone who is my friend, who has been my friend right from when I was in school, is still cool with me. I don’t know how this celebrity thing makes one’s life different or how it changes things because it’s still the same me even though, I have done movies that people have seen all over the world. But I’m still the same person; I am still myself.
What were your parents and friends’ reactions to your choice of career?
My mum has always been in full support; she’s always behind me, pushing me. In fact, she literally pushed me into the industry. But my father has been against it from the onset, and my brothers have been solidly behind me, including my friends.
How has your relationship with your father been since then? Smooth or sour?
It’s the saddest part of my life; I don’t have a relationship with my dad. The relationship with my dad is non-existent. We don’t talk, we don’t see eye-to-eye. I hardly even think about him. I don’t know if he thinks about me too, but I hardly think about him. So, yes, that’s one empty part of my life that I really don’t like going into, because it’s filled with dark memories, regrets and pains. No, it’s not just because of movies that I don’t have a relationship with my dad; it’s a whole bunch of other things. But it’s not something I’d like to talk about.
How was your growing up?
I can speak Hausa because I did my secondary school in Kano State. I also went to Zaria Polytechnic, Nuhobamali where I studied Mass Communication. I had to drop out because we moved from the north to the south. My parents did not want me to school in the north; they wanted me to stay in the south. So, I dropped out and then enrolled at National Open University to continue my studies.
Basically, I didn’t have a fun childhood. I had a really traumatic childhood filled with emotional, mental, physical and sexual abuse. That’s why I am a mental health advocate because I know how much damage my childhood did to my mind, and how hard I am working not to allow the experience dictate the kind of person I turn out to be. I have a strong will power. If I don’t have a strong will power, I would have become a rascal and blamed it on the things that happened to me as a child. But I chose to be a better person despite everything that life has thrown at me at a very young age when I didn’t understand anything. It’s sad but it’s okay, we all have our stories.
No fun memories at all?
I’m the only daughter and first child. I have three younger brothers; two of them are just starting in the music industry. I know it’s going to look really sad when I say this: growing up, I was a child that would not play with other kids because her parents would not allow her. Every time I came back from school, they locked me inside the house and they’re like ‘oh, get a book and read’. ‘Oh, sweep the compound’. ‘Oh, do this, do that’. ‘Your brothers can go play, but you can’t because you are a girl’. So, I was raised strictly by my parents and as a girl, it was even stricter for me because I didn’t get the opportunity to play or even live as a child. They treated me as a grown adult, so I don’t really have fun memories except maybe with people in school, during the break time. My childhood was traumatic as hell, my childhood was terrible and it shaped me into an adult who is a loner and introvert.
How much work do you put into interpreting a role?
When I receive a script, I try to do deep character work, which is studying the character and understanding how the character thinks. That helps me in doing things outside of myself. Just because I’ve studied the character, I know how the character thinks so I’m able to improvise a lot. There’s a lot of improvisation in my acting. Most of the time I read the lines and then improvise on actions, words and all of that.
With your childhood experience, does marriage scare you?
Yes, it kind of scares me because of the stories I hear of marriages, and honestly, it’s because of my own parents’ marriage.
I use my parents’ marriage as an example of what I don’t want. Growing up as a child, I didn’t know much about relationships and marriages but watching them, the toxicity, the fights, I knew I don’t want that to happen to me when I grow up. So, marriage scares me but at the same time I have faith that good men and women exist, and by God’s grace, good people should be paired with good people so that they would have healthy relationships. Yes, I get scared when I think about marriage but I hope for the best, hope can never die.
Are you in a relationship now?
No, I’m not in any committed relationship at the moment. But I am talking to someone. We are only on talking terms but not in any committed relationship.
Do you mind settling down with a colleague?
I don’t mind settling down with a colleague as long as the guy is good, kind and respects me. Actors are human beings too. Though, I’d have wanted to marry a businessman because in a way, I like my husband to be travelling around. But if it boils down to marrying an actor, I don’t mind. I can marry an actor.
What about a politician?
To be very honest, this is the first time I’m actually thinking of politicians. My mum had a dream one time that she saw me sharing food and amenities to people on the street as the First Lady of a state, but I haven’t really thought about marrying a politician. I don’t even think I’ve dated one before, but I don’t mind as long as he is a good guy with a good head on his shoulders, that’s all I really care about.
Since you are single, how do you tackle sexual urge?
To be honest, I’m practicing celibacy for now until someone who is worth it comes along. For now, I’m just by myself, focusing on my work and whenever I have an urge, I just take a cold shower and find a distraction.
For how long have you been a celibate?
My last relationship was about two years ago. So, it’s been a while.
What’s your career projection?
I love filmmaking. I see myself becoming a director, one of the best directors out there.
I see myself becoming a producer, one of the best producers out there. I see myself doing my own films, my productions, telling my stories, promoting my movies and I know it’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of time. I see myself married in a happy, healthy home with kids. That’s going to happen by God’s grace.
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